More Than Before: Intimidation is Just a Story

Intimidation Is Just a Story

When I was around 21 I was in a poker tournament of around 250 people. It was smattered with people of all walks of life, skill level, background and so on. I arrived a little late to the game so I already felt out of sorts from the get go, but I did settle in and the cards started to fall in my favor and I was playing well.

To my surprise, I climbed through the ranks as the night gained momentum, eventually finding myself at one of the final two tables. One by one, our table dwindled, and with the field whittled down, the remaining contenders combined into a single final table. I was the clear chip leader.

From there, the pressure was on, as player after player started dropping like flies until only one opponent remained, a gentleman twice my age. Despite my chip stack being nearly three times larger than his, his presence and experience were intimidating. To make matters trickier, the blinds had risen significantly, adding even more tension to the showdown.

On the first hand, he shoves all in. I sheepishly fold, holding junk, and he takes my big blind. I do a quick mental reset, but as the next hand is dealt, he pushes all in again. I peek at my cards...trash once more...and fold.

Now on my heels, I’ve lost nearly a third of my chips. He keeps up the pressure, going all in two more times. Realizing I can't keep backing down, I finally catch a solid hand. When he shoves again, I call. I flip over two face cards; he reveals a 4 and a 7. Like something out of a classic poker tale, the flop comes 5, 6, 8 and just like that, he has a straight. I’m out. Game over.

First place was a satellite seat to the World Series of Poker. I went home in second place and my prize was a set of poker chips...I'm thinking about what Ricky Bobby taught us all... "If you ain't first your last." I thoroughly believe I lost that tournament because I was intimidated.

In life, it’s common to feel intimidated by those around us. They’re older than me, wealthier than me, smarter than me, the list goes on. But after years of interviewing thousands of people, I’ve learned that beneath the exterior of superiority we often perceive, every single person carries the same concerns, fears, and insecurities.

Intimidation is such a fascinating concept because it’s rarely about the other person, it’s about us. It’s the story we tell ourselves, the assumptions we make, and the weight we give to someone else’s presence, achievements, or demeanor. More often than not, the people we find intimidating aren’t even trying to be.

In fact in Barak Obama's book "A Promised Land" he says: “One of the things I learned during my time as a senator, and later as president, was how often people who occupy powerful positions are as insecure, as unsure of themselves, as anyone else. When I became a state senator, I was surprised at how much self-doubt there was in the halls of the Illinois legislature. As I moved up to the U.S. Senate, I found the same thing. And when I reached the White House, it became even more apparent. At every level of government, I saw the same thing: no matter how high someone got or how much authority they had, they were just people, struggling with the same questions and fears we all face.”

This highlights the reality that at every level of life, people still possess the same insecurities that you do, regardless of their success or stature. Understanding this dynamic can give you an edge in any interaction, not to exploit their vulnerabilities, but to empathize and realize that you, too, can speak confidently from your own position. There’s no need to fear being less than or unworthy.

By acknowledging that everyone shares these human struggles, you can approach conversations and situations with a sense of equality and self-assurance.

I've witnessed bold, outspoken businessmen who are highly skilled and confident in their own domain, become sheepish in environments where they lack expertise. The truth is you're going to be inferior to every person you encounter in some way, shape or form so embrace it! What that means is you can be a student to anyone. I'm sure a 10 year old could teach you quite a bit about video games. That's not a bad thing, it's just their domain.

When you’re confident in your expertise, don’t shy away from sharing the value you bring. On the other hand, when the opportunity to learn arises, take on the role of a student and ask the right questions. Instead of getting stuck in your own doubts, let your knowledge inspire action and bring value to those around you. Embrace every chance to contribute and grow, confidence is built through doing, not by holding back.

Today's Forced Challenge: I want you to force yourself into intimidating situations

Set a Goal to Speak Up: In meetings or social situations, commit to contributing at least one idea or question, even if you're nervous.
Engage with Confident Individuals: Find someone who intimidates you and start a conversation. Gradually, the more you interact, the less daunting they will feel.
Converse with that person you always dodge: Whether it's a boss, relative, or someone you want to date. If they intimidate you have a deep enough conversation to find out they shouldn't
Play the Hand Anyway: Step into a situation this week where you normally fold. Speak up, make the call, or take the shot, even if your nerves kick in.
Humanize the Giant: Pick one person who intimidates you and start a genuine conversation. Ask a question, share a thought, or find common ground. Watch how fast the fear fades.