What you leave behind

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Dr. Henry Cloud speaks of the wake you leave behind you all through life. Undoubtedly that wake will be defined through the decisions you make and the actions you take. That wake will be a representation of the approach in which you lived your life. As with every wake there will be two sides. 

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One side will be a depiction of the results your actions created. The other will be an illustration of the character you possessed in those actions. There will be times when the wake is big. There will be times when the wake is small. There will be times when the water is smooth and there will be times when the water is choppy. What matters most is how that wake looks. 

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There have been times in my life when I achieved great things, but in focusing solely on the end goal, my wake was filled with debris from the damage I created along the way. I strived forward without considering the impact of my actions or the trail I was leaving behind. That damage hurt other people. It's imperative that we consider what we leave behind.

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Your actions are your calling card and like all things the consistency in those actions is truly what defines you as a person. One individual bad decision does not define who you are. It’s a culmination of decisions, that are repeated over time that start to carve out and characterize you. This is why it’s crucial not to beat yourself up over mistakes… but just identify and halt bad actions that are forming into habits.

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I have kids, so stick with me on this analogy. Imagine you're building a large statue of legos as a symbolization of you. Each piece clicked into place is a display of one good decision at a time. Whenever you make a poor decision, you skip a brick that should have been placed. If you missed one brick, you still would have a strong statue and a clear image. Although, if you had a long succession of small or even large bad decisions consistently over time it would result in a statue that's structure is unstable and eventually will fall. 

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For most it seems, the primary focus, is where you get in life. I implore you to recognize that how you get there is even more important. I believe everyone reading this has the desire to grow and be better so I want to leave a safety net of thoughts to help you:

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Align your actions with your values: If you don't take the time to establish a value system that you make your decisions through then you will compromise to hit your goals. Your value system must always trump your goal. 

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Be accountable: There was a time in my life where I felt I was accountable. I had people in my life that knew what I had going on. True accountability is about being KNOWN. Someone who knows absolutely everything about you. Ask yourself, do you have anyone in your life that knows EVERYTHING about you. 

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Speak the truth: This one is hard for people. No matter what. No matter how bad it hurts. Lead with the truth. Truth will always bring in light into your situation and life. Not everyone will like you for it. But it will leave a smooth wake behind you. 

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Don't cut corners: Don't be lazy in your efforts. In the work you do, the relationships you invest in, or the time that you spend. If anything, take the hard route. The intrinsic and intangible benefits of this will far supersede the quick win. 

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Give yourself the latitude to know that you won't be perfect. If you're doing anything great with your life there will always be people that aren't happy with you. 

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That doesn't change the fact that our goal should always be to leave people and places better than you found them. The goal is not to be hyper focused on what people think about you. It is to be the best version of you and other people's experience with you can be your measuring stick. At some point people will run into each other that both know you. I wonder what they will say? 

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Today's Forced Challenge: I want you to FORCE yourself to right some wrongs of your past... choose at least one person to reach out to that 

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1. You want to take back something you said. 

2. You have something of their's you need to return. 

3. You weren't there for them when you should have been.

4. You just need to let them know you're sorry.

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It could have been years ago, and you maybe thinking they probably forgot. I can assure you having this conversation will not only be good for them, it will be good for you as well. 

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"People don’t remember what you said, they remember how you made them feel." – Maya Angelou

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