The Work That No One Sees
Father's day just passed and it spurred some thoughts. Not a father? Keep reading. Someone in your life might need this...maybe a friend, a brother, or a colleague. Pass it along. Your share might mean more than you know. I think starting with a story would be best.
When my son was younger my wife was having discussions with him about college. We homeschool, so she was suggesting that he start to tailor his current schooling towards what he would want to study in college, if he chose that route.
As the conversation ensued and we climbed out of the car, I mentioned, if he chose to go to college that he would just need to be strong. The conversation continued:
Hudson: What do you mean?
Realizing I just opened Pandora's box...
Me: There’s just a lot of things that go on there that God isn't a fan of..
Hudson: Like what?
Me: Just things that he doesn’t like..
Hudson: Like....?
Me: Things we can discuss later..
Hudson: Like Credit Cards???
Me: Yep! That's it.... Credit Cards...
I can't help but laugh out loud recapping this story. The innocence in my son navigating my advice and the lack of confidence in my trying to deliver it.
That's fatherhood in a nutshell. In a world where everyone expects you to have it all together... you just won't, and that's ok.
It doesn't change the fact that there is an expectation for you to deliver, and the intrinsic reality that you need to meet those expectations. You chose this path and therefore you don't have the option of not following through. If you jump off a building, you don't get to choose whether gravity applies. Fatherhood should be the same way.
Just because it's borderline guaranteed you won't have all the answers doesn't permit you to stop searching, stop equipping, or stop showing up.
That’s the job. The best job I've ever had.
You’re not just there to be impressive...you’re there to be present. To keep leaning in, especially when you feel unqualified.
And that means you have to keep showing up, even when you’re tired. One of the biggest temptations in fatherhood is deciding you’ve done enough. Based on what you handled at work, what you helped with at home, or the emotional load you carried that day, you’re good. You’ve clocked out.
As a father... enough is enough… when the job is done. Just get back up. Keep moving your feet.
And at home, the job is never just about tasks. It’s about love. Presence. Sacrifice.
A pastor I admire once said: "Squeeze the day."
At first glance, it sounds like hustle culture, be productive, accomplish more. But he meant something deeper. It’s not about squeezing efficiency out of the day. It’s about squeezing joy out of it. About walking in the spirit. About giving.
If all you did today was accomplish something, then you may have missed it. Listen...anybody can do your day job, only you can be their dad.
And maybe that’s the point. The deeper call of fatherhood isn’t about checking boxes or surviving the chaos. It’s about embracing the long game. The slow, quiet work of showing up, being present, and becoming the kind of man your family can rely on.....not because you’re perfect, but because you’re consistent.
So what does that look like in practice? How can the small consistencies in you, lead to big results in them?
The Power of humility and transparency
Even the best dads blow it. What sets strong fathers apart isn’t perfection...it’s how quickly and humbly they repair. A quiet apology. A hug after a harsh word. A circle-back conversation after emotions cooled. These are the moments that earn trust over time.
You don’t need to be flawless. You need to be willing to make it right.
Modeling Emotion, Not Just Strength
A lot of men think they need to be the rock....stoic, unmoved. But real strength is modeled vulnerability. Showing your kids how to process sadness, frustration, or uncertainty in healthy ways teaches them emotional fluency that will outlive your rules.
If they only see your strength, they’ll fear their weakness. But if they see you process emotions, they’ll know what to do with theirs.
Fatherhood is Formation....for You as well
We often think we’re raising our kids, but in reality, they’re growing us, too. Every tantrum tests your patience. Every question stretches your character. Every moment you feel like walking away is a moment you’re being formed into someone stronger.
Fatherhood doesn’t just build your legacy...it reveals your limits and refines your soul.
Your Presence Is the Protection
We think protection is locking the doors, paying the bills, or scaring off bad influences. Your consistent presence is the deepest security your kids can feel. Being around, attentive, and emotionally accessible is what keeps their hearts safe and grounded.
Don’t Outsource the Spiritual
We sometimes default to mom as the spiritual guide. But your children need to see you pray. See you wrestle with your faith. See you in Scripture. It doesn’t have to be perfect....but it does have to be real. They’ll follow what you practice, not just what you preach.
Fatherhood is the work of building connection with a heart still under construction. Teaching trust to someone who’s never defined it. Sitting in emotions with a child still learning to name what they feel.
They are looking to you.... whether you think they are or not. If you have a toddler who seems to value a toy over you or a teenager who seems like they hate you... deep down they are still looking for confirmation... does my father truly love me.. unconditionally.
Today’s Forced Challenge: I want you to FORCE yourself to attack at least one of these challenges:
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Revisit the Box: Think of one area where you’ve boxed in your child (or spouse) with low expectations. Change your language around it.
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The Intentional Question: Ask each of your kids one intentional question this week: “What’s something you’ve been thinking about that you haven’t said out loud yet?”
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Finish the Job: Choose one moment where you normally check out (after work, after dinner, etc.)...and press in instead.
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Initiate the Repair: Apologize to your child or spouse for something small that you brushed off before. Model humility and ownership.
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Public Honor Challenge: Find a moment to celebrate your spouse in front of your kids. Let them see you honor her with words and presence.
In the end, fatherhood isn’t about having all the answers, it’s about being willing to stay in the questions. To show up when it’s hard. To love without applause. It’s found in the quiet sacrifices no one sees and the steady presence that anchors a home.
You won’t always get it right. But if you keep showing up with humility, grace, and love that doesn’t flinch...you’ll become the kind of man your children remember not for being perfect, but for being theirs.
“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”
– Frederick Douglass