The Hard Reset
When we’re born, our internal computer gets assembled piece by piece. Not the physical brain, but the wiring underneath it. The hardware of who we are: our beliefs, our sense of safety, how we attach, how we respond to love, pain, rejection, trust.
It is constructed early, before we’re old enough to know what’s being installed. Pieces from our parents, aspects of our childhood environment, experiences that weren't intended but they still dictated the construct. That hardware lives deep in the heart and soul. It becomes the machine we run on.
Then comes early adulthood... school, first love, first failure, social cues, religion, culture, trauma, habits. That’s the software. It gets downloaded over time. But what we don’t realize is that some of the hardware we’re built on was corrupted from the start.
Then, somewhere along the way, we become adults. And adults start downloading software. Books. Habits. Routines. Strategies. Motivational videos. Therapy. Journals. Hikes. Prayer. Cold plunges. You name it. And at first, it works.
There seems to be progress. You’re hopeful. You start stacking wins. But then… the same old loop shows up. The frustration. The pullback. The guilt. The feeling of “Why do I always end up back here?”
And here's the real reason: You're downloading new software into hardware that can't run it.
The hardware’s bad. Glitched. Still built for an environment you’re no longer in. No matter how good the new software is, it crashes because the foundation can’t support it.
This is where most people get stuck. They keep looking for newer, better apps...never realizing the system itself is the problem. If you want lasting change, it’s not just about behavior. It’s not about scheduling more or stacking habits or tracking progress.
It’s about tearing the whole machine down, seeing what’s under the surface, and replacing the parts that no longer work.
Some of your wiring was installed by people who didn’t know what they were doing. Some of it was built in response to trauma, rejection, or a need to survive. That’s not your fault.
But it is your responsibility to go back and rewire it.
Because if not, every attempt to grow will eventually get overridden by the original code.
You’ll say you want peace but unconsciously create chaos.
You’ll chase love but push it away when it gets close.
You’ll build success but never feel like you’re enough to enjoy it.
This isn’t because you’re broken. It’s because your system is confused.
The Mindset Problem
A lot of people say they have a growth mindset, but they’re still living like everything is fixed. They believe in growth, but they operate from fear.
Growth mindset says:
“I can learn.”
“I can fail and get back up.”
“I haven’t figured it out… yet.”
But if, underneath that, your wiring says:
“If I fail, I’ll lose everything,” or
“I’m only lovable if I succeed,”
then you’re not actually living in growth, you’re just acting it out temporarily.
It’s like trying to run iOS 17 on a flip phone. It won’t take. You can press the buttons, but nothing runs right. It wasn’t designed to hold that kind of power. If you want transformation, it has to be rooted in identity. Not just action.
We Assume What’s Familiar Is Healthy
One of the reasons this is so hard? You’ve only lived your experience.
If you grew up in dysfunction, you don’t call it that.....you call it life. If you were emotionally neglected, you call it independence. If you had to earn love, you call it being “driven.”
You can't question what you’ve normalized until you step outside it.
And that’s the painful part, rewiring often starts with realizing what you thought was fine… actually wasn’t. But there’s freedom in that too. Because it means you're not stuck. You’re not just “the way you are.” You’re programmable. You always have been.
You just didn’t know you could be the one writing the code.
Why You Always Slide Back
Every time you grow, your old hardware gets scared. Because change threatens predictability. And predictability feels like safety.....even if it sucks. Your brain will choose what’s familiar over what’s good. Every time. Unless you interrupt it.
So what happens?
You get ahead. You start to feel different. And then the sabotage shows up. You ghost the routine. You numb out. You blame something else. It’s not weakness. It’s the original hardware fighting to stay in control.
This is why willpower isn't enough. You don’t overpower old wiring. You replace it. Not with hacks. With truth. With repetition. With awareness. With work.
How to Actually Rewire
1. Expose the Wiring
Start with radical honesty. Not “what am I doing wrong?” but “what do I believe underneath this pattern?” Trace your reaction to the root.
2. Challenge the Code
Ask: Is what I believe actually true? Who told me that? What would happen if I stopped believing it?
3. Replace the bad hardware
Once you see the lie, you can replace it with something real. Write the new belief. Say it. Speak it aloud even when you don’t feel it yet. Own the new identity.
4. Reinforce It With Action
Your current mindsets will try to default to the past. It's important that your actions back your new beliefs. Not perfectly, but consistently. Your brain learns by what you do, not just what you say.
5. Protect the Environment
Stay around people who reinforce the new you. Distance yourself from systems and voices that speak to the old you. Environments reinforce wiring.
Recognizing that your childhood has a substantial influence on who you are continues to be magnified to me. It reminds me of the seen from Good Will Hunting when Sean Maguire (Robin Williams) says to Will Hunting (Matt Damon) in reference to his childhood trauma "Its not your fault."
Your childhood realities are not your fault but they are your responsibility. The more intentionally you rewire your mindset and heal your past, the more freedom you'll have to show up with clarity, peace, and purpose in your present.
Today’s Forced Challenge: I want you to FORCE yourself to attack at least one of these challenges:
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Track the Loop: Catch one recurring thought loop or emotional spiral. Map it out: what starts it, what feeds it, and how you usually respond.
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Break a Pattern: Interrupt a habit that keeps you tied to the past (like checking an other's social media in comparison, avoiding conflict, or people-pleasing). Choose differently, once a day.
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Own the Trigger: Pay attention to what triggers you most this week. Journal what’s underneath it....not just what happened, but what it made you feel and believe.
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Apologize Where Needed: Think of someone you’ve hurt by reacting from old pain. Reach out. Not to fix it, but to take ownership.
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Speak to Your Younger Self: Write a letter to your younger self...the one who started believing those false things. Tell them the truth. Read it out loud.
You are not bound to your original hardware. You can replace it. You can tear out the wiring that taught you love must be earned, that strength means silence, that failure defines you.
Beneath the noise, beneath the scars, there’s still a version of you untouched by the weight of it all....still brave enough to believe, still bold enough to rebuild. So take the pieces, even the broken ones, and start again. Not to become someone new… but to finally return to who you were before the world told you who to be.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” – Carl Jung