How to Get Unstuck
When I was in my early 20s I lived on the second floor of an apartment complex with a friend of mine. I was coming back from a meeting fairly late and it was dreary with a light rain coming down.
As I made my way to our door, that we NEVER locked, I was surprised as it stopped me in my tracks. The knob turned as it should and yet it was clear the deadbolt was in place.
I knocked on the door, full transparency I was a little irritated. No response. I banged on the door with more intensity. Silence. I definitely didn’t have a key to get in and I’m stuck with no way to get in. Where way my roommate?
I didn’t feel like sitting and waiting, patience was something I was working on.. something I'm still working on. I walked outside and around the back where our balcony was. I had previously climbed a drain pipe on a different occasion and thought this was my way in. The difference was this time was that I was wearing business clothes. My dress shoes had no traction and it was still raining a bit.
I planted one foot against the wall and began to work my way up the drain pipe applying as much pressure as possible so that I wouldn’t slip. I made it to the top and reached out for the railing…..at that exact moment the drain pipe ripped away from the wall and I fell 2 stories down. The benefit…. the ground below was grass…. The downside? There was a 2x2 concrete slab that I landed directly on my tail bone.
As I made impact every ounce of air exited my body. Just imagine those movies where you see someone get punched right in the diaphragm. As I gasped for breath I completely disregarded the fact that I was rolling around in the mud in my dress clothes.
As I finally caught my breath I crawled my way back to the front door and banged some more with significantly less energy than before, and yet…this time he opens the door. Looking down at me covered in mud and looking like I got mugged he says “What happened to you?” If I had anything left in me I would have punching him in the face.
You live you learn right? I’m not totally sure what I learned in this experience… don’t climb a drain pipe, in dress clothes, in the rain.
Here is what I do know. There are times in life when we are in situations and we fill stuck. The deeper we feel stuck the more narrowed our vision is. All you can focus on is the issue in front of you and it seems there is no way out. I was stuck… and found a drain pipe. Let’s see if we can guide you to a better destiny.
Ever been there? Stuck in a job that feels like a dead end… chasing goals that always seem just out of reach… stuck in relationships that won’t heal, won’t grow… trying to guide your kids but they push back at every turn. The list goes on. And when you’re really stuck, it’s overwhelming to believe you’ll ever break free.
I’ve faced business deals that appeared impossible, relationships fractured beyond repair, and financial struggles that seemed insurmountable...yet, in every instance, a way forward emerged. Even when it seemed like there was no path, one always appeared.
To navigate these waters it's not about pushing through the pain as much as it is about asking the right questions.
How did I get here? I venture to say that the situation you are in… wasn’t always this way. So what is it that took you from “well on your way” to stuck? Taking the time to pinpoint how you got to where you are is often the best way to get you out. Can you undo… what has been done to cause the angst
What are you assuming is fact.. that is actually self constructed opinion? We can be extremely effective at convincing ourselves that what we tell ourselves is the truth…. When in reality it’s just something we convinced ourselves of.
“I’m not qualified to do the position above me so I’m stuck in this job forever.”
“She hates me so much there is no way she will forgive me. So why ask?”
“They won’t sign the contract unless we give a discount, the deal is dead in the water.”
“The debtors are calling every day. The only answer is bankruptcy.”
It’s statements like these that we not only repeat to ourselves often but also to the people around us that begin to limit our perspective. We repeat them enough that we allow our own fear to define what is truth, when in reality it’s opinion. We have to be willing to question our truth to find a new path.
What do you want most? What are your non-negotiables? Indecision is often a derivative of not defining what you want most. I would encourage you to always make decisions based off two things. What you want most and what you want long term?
The pressure of the urgent and loud, often drowns out what’s most important. Take the time to sit down and define these things and then run your situation through that lens. It will often highlight the path you must take.
I owned a logistics company for over a decade and felt it was by far the best path for me. If ever asked, I had a long mantra as to why I was on that path. In truth it was just what I had told myself a million times. I had sold myself on my decision. I never took the time to sit down and question myself and write out what I wanted most.
I've picked up the habit of asking myself one simple question....Says who? It’s a powerful phrase to repeat anytime you’re explaining why you think, believe, or do certain things. Is it grounded in truth? Or is it just a story you’ve been telling yourself?
Seek outside perspective. Einstein once said “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used to create them” It’s imperative that we have the humility to ask for help from others who can guide us. Especially those who have the success in the area of life in which you need help. Don’t ask just anyone, find someone with the success you want and pursue the answers.
This is a short list of actionable efforts that can force light into your dark and difficult situation. The willingness to remind yourself that you've made it through every previous difficult situation in the past, should help fortify your confidence to find a solution to your current struggles. You have done hard things. Be assured you can do them again.
Today’s Forced Challenge: I want you to FORCE yourself to attack at least one of these challenges:
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Purpose Challenge: Take 10 minutes every morning to reflect on your purpose. Write down one thing you can do today that aligns with your deeper mission.
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Integrity Challenge: Make a conscious effort today to act in alignment with your values, even if it means choosing the harder path. Reflect on how it feels at the end of the day.
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Forgiveness Challenge: Think of someone you’re holding a grudge against. Take a step toward forgiveness, whether it’s through a conversation, a letter, or simply letting go of the bitterness.
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Past Challenge: Write down one regret or past mistake that still lingers in your mind. Reflect on the lesson it taught you and then let it go...leave it in the past where it belongs.
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Inhibition Challenge: Try something new and outside your comfort zone today, whether it's learning a new skill, speaking in public, or sharing an idea you’ve kept to yourself.
Sometimes, life forces us into moments where we feel completely powerless, like we’re stuck with no way out. But even in those moments of frustration, there’s a deeper truth: we are always capable of finding a path forward, even when it seems impossible.
The journey may be messy, filled with setbacks and falls, but it’s in those moments that we discover our resilience, our ability to rise after we’ve hit the ground. The key is to keep moving, keep questioning, and trust that every challenge is a step towards something greater.
Struggle demands Perseverance that breeds Character that leads to Hope.
"Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing there’s a future." – Daphne Rose Kingma