Was That Intentional?
My daughter often asks me to play Barbies. I'd love to tell you that I jump at the opportunity every time... but how many fashion shows can a guy really put on?
I do my best when she asks, to just immediately say "yes" otherwise I find myself holding back. We do things we don't necessarily want to, for those we love. I cannot tell you how many times, in play sessions like this, my daughter has yelled "This is the best day ever!" Of course responses of this nature is all a Dad needs to dive in the next time.
We like to believe life will make room for what matters most, but it won’t. The default mode of life is drift... days blur, moments slip, relationships wane without a clear break. You don’t feel it happening at first, but over time, the gap between your intentions and your reality gets wider.
In fact, the gap between what you intend and your reality is the root of your frustrations.
That’s why intentionality matters. Intentionality is caring, but caring in motion. It’s not the warm feeling you get when you think of someone. It’s the deliberate act of making them a priority.
In addition, regardless of how bad you want to, you can’t be intentional with everything. That’s where most people get it wrong. They confuse availability with intentionality. They say yes to everything, thinking it means they care, when in reality, their attention is so fractured that nothing gets the depth it deserves.
Intentionality Requires Sacrifice
You only have so much time, energy, and focus. Every “yes” you give is a “no” to something else. To be intentional, you have to choose what matters and prune the rest. That pruning feels like loss at first, it can even feel selfish, but the opposite is true... it’s stewardship.
The parent who skips another work trip to make the school play isn’t just “spending time with their kid.” They’re communicating, You matter more than this other thing I could be doing.
Leaders face the same decision. A great leader isn’t the one who gets involved in every project, it’s the one who steps back from what’s urgent to focus on what’s most important for the team’s growth.
Pruning isn’t easy because the things you cut are often good things. although, if you don’t cut them, they crowd out the great things.
Intentionality Demands Margin
You can’t be present if you’re always rushing. The pace of modern life is a thief. It promises more opportunities but robs you of depth.
Margin is the space between your limits and your load. It’s the breathing room that allows you to notice, listen, and connect. Without margin, life becomes a series of quick transactions, quick meals, quick texts, quick glances. You check the boxes, but you don’t touch the heart.
Here’s the problem: culture won’t hand you margin. You have to carve it out. This means saying no to things that don’t matter as much. It means blocking out time for nothing, not as wasted time, but as the soil where intentionality grows.
When your mind isn’t racing ahead to the next thing, you can give the current moment your full attention. You can look your spouse in the eyes when they talk. You can notice your kid’s mood before they even speak. You can hear the nuance in a friend’s voice and know they’re not fine, even if they say they are.
Time Is Irreversible
We forget we’re not in rehearsal. This is the show. Every day spent on autopilot is a day you can’t get back. We only get to do this life once.
We think we’ll have another season, another chance, another conversation. But sometimes, “later” never comes.
That’s not meant to be a heavy weight of guilt, but a clear reminder: the cost of unintentional living is permanent. You can rebuild a business. You can repair a house. You can recover from a financial hit. But you can’t go back and re-live a year you wasted.
Time is the most honest accountant in your life, it doesn’t take IOUs. The moment is either spent well or it’s gone.
You Have to Care
You can’t set it once and walk away. Intentionality is not a one-time act; it’s a posture you choose every day. It's in everything... your work, your health, your relationships, your time and so on.
Some days, you’ll nail it....fully present, deeply connected, totally engaged, attention to detail. Other days, you’ll realize you’ve drifted. It happens. The point isn’t to never drift; it’s to notice quickly and steer back.
Repetition is the mother of all "meh"...Work can take you down a path where you just want to mail it in. Eating the same healthy foods everyday can get old. Redundancy encroaches on your fortitude and steers you to stop caring, but if you let go the future takes the brunt of the decision.
It’s the same with relationships. You don’t keep them alive with grand gestures alone; you keep them alive with the thousands of small, deliberate choices saying, You matter to me today.
Sacrifice sets your heart posture. Margin gives you breathing room. Awareness of time’s irreversibility creates urgency. Choosing to care enough to be intentional keeps you aligned with what matters most.
You won’t always get it perfect, perfection isn’t the point. The point is the people and priorities that matter most don’t have to guess where they stand in your life....they can see it in your choices, they can feel it in your presence, and they can trust it in your consistency.
Today’s Forced Challenge: I want you to FORCE yourself to attack at least one of these challenges:
1. The Relationship Reconnect: Pick one relationship that’s been floating and take deliberate action to invest in it this week.
2. The Presence Test: In your next conversation, act as if the person in front of you is the most important person in the world for that moment.
3. The Prune List: Identify three good things in your schedule you need to cut so you can make space for the great things.
4. The End-of-Day Reflection: Before bed, write one sentence answering: Was I intentional today? Where did I drift?
5. The Someday Swap: Pick one thing you’ve been saying “someday” about and start it this week, no matter how small the first step.
At some point those around you will no longer accept your excuses. They will no longer accept why you were running late or your excuse for why you couldn't be there for them. Your body will stop accepting your lazy eating and life will stop putting up with your crap.
In truth, you either care about someone or you don't. You care about your work or you don't. You care about your health...or you don't. If you do, intentionality will follow. You really can't have one without the other.
“Your actions speak so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
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