Trapped by Thoughts
Ask yourself this question:
What is the one thing you feel like you missed out on yesterday?
What’s the one thing you wish would’ve gone just a little bit better?
It could have been a myriad of different things. Maybe you wanted to call someone but convinced yourself it wasn’t the right time. Maybe you wanted to speak up in that meeting but didn’t. Maybe there was something tugging at you all day, an action you wanted to take but instead, you stood still.
Maybe it was the person you wanted to ask out.
The encouragement you meant to give your spouse but didn’t.
The question you should’ve asked your son or daughter.
The email you drafted but never sent.
The connection you could’ve deepened but ignored.
That all sounds like a lot of opportunity left on the table, doesn’t it? Now think, really think, what was that one thing for you? Now here’s the more important question: Why didn't you do it? What actually stopped you?
We tell ourselves all kinds of things to justify inaction.
“I was too busy.”
“They wouldn’t have cared.”
“I didn’t feel like it.”
“It wasn’t the right time.”
“They looked like they were in a bad mood.”
“I didn’t want to make it awkward.”
But let’s call it what it really is... Fear. You didn’t do it because you were scared. And what’s even more frustrating? It wasn’t even a fear of physical danger. You weren’t running from a fire or dodging a speeding car.
You were scared of what someone might think of you.
Isn’t that wild?
You didn’t speak up in the meeting because you worried people might not like what you had to say.
You didn’t ask the question because you were afraid of how it might sound.
You didn’t hit “send” because you weren’t sure how it would be received.
You didn’t take action, because of someone else’s potential perception.
And here’s the kicker, most of the time, those people? They’re not even thinking about you. They’re too busy worrying about what you’re thinking about them. It’s a weird cycle we all get caught in.
We disguise fear as practicality. We call it logic. We call it timing. We even call it humility. But in most cases, it’s none of those things. It’s just fear, dressed up in more acceptable clothing.
And the thing is, we’ve misapplied fear. God gave us fear for a purpose, to keep us alive. It’s the thing that keeps us from stepping into traffic. It’s what makes us cautious around fire, wild animals, and dangerous situations.
Fear is a gift when it protects us from real, physical danger.
But somewhere along the way, we rewired it.
We started using that same defense mechanism to protect us from emotional discomfort.
Now, fear kicks in when we feel vulnerable. When we think we might be judged. When we’re afraid of looking foolish, being rejected, or not being liked.
But here’s the truth:
Discomfort is not danger.
Discomfort is growth.
Discomfort is where the change happens.
You tell me when the last time you were uncomfortable was, and I'll tell you the last time you grew.
Nobody moves on inside the comfort zone.
You don’t build courage by staying quiet.
You don’t build confidence by playing small.
You don’t build connection by avoiding real conversations.
You don’t build strength by standing still.
And yet… most people are doing everything they can to protect their comfort zone. They arrange their life, their schedule, even their relationships to avoid friction. And in doing so, they also avoid transformation. All the while costing what?
Deeper relationships?
Better opportunities?
More joy?
More impact?
Your own potential?
If there’s one skill set to develop in this life, it’s the ability to stop letting other people’s opinions dictate your actions.
The choice is yours.
But so is the opportunity.
Today's Forced Challenge: I want you to FORCE yourself to not worry about what others think.
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Be Honest: If there is someone who has been doing something that bothers you, be honest and let them know. They probably don't even know it's bothering you.
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Embarrass Yourself: You know the things you refuse to do...Choose one and force yourself to do it. Is it dancing at a wedding? Speaking on a microphone? Speaking up at the board meeting?
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Long time coming letter: If there is someone that you wish you still had a relationship with but it's been rocky for a while, write them a letter and say the things that need to be said.
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Approach the group: If there is a group or individual you've wanted to engage with for a while but you've been too scared just push yourself. They are not better than you.
What people think of you is really none of your business. What you think of you is. Life is too short to spend all your time worrying about what other people think.
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”
– Lao Tzu