Questions
My daughter looked me straight in the face and said " Do they have toilets in heaven?" .... if I only had the answer. I'm sure we'll find out. While questions like this are fun, they don't come up in conversation too often.
Questions like that are rare, but they have a way of stopping you in your tracks. I’ve realized we spend a lot of time listening to other people’s questions but rarely ask ourselves any.
We question ourselves all the time, but we don’t ask ourselves questions. There’s a difference. The voices in our head run non-stop, a constant monologue that never quiets, yet it’s rarely anchored in anything valuable.
Most questions are fear or doubt based. Am I good enough? What will they think? Is this ok?
There are a lot more productive questions you can be asking if you take the time to do so. I've compiled a short list of questions I have found to be key to my personal growth and I thought I would share.
This list is not exhaustive and in fact it’s really sporadic, but it’s a list of questions I’ve continually asked myself. Questions I have found eminently valuable and I think will help you as well.
I don’t remember where this one came from but it’s a character question that has really helped formulate who I am over the last 3-4 years.
If people remembered me for only one thing… what would I want it to be?
For me… I want to be known as someone who always tells the truth… even when it hurts. Even when it will cause pain, loss, or conflict. The truth matters to me and it’s something I’m constantly challenging myself on. You may feel this is simple, but we often stretch things or bend them to our benefit.
Defining this one attribute will assist in painting you a picture of who you want to be and solidify your decision making process. What would your one thing be?
Who needs to hear my voice today?
When I led a large organization, I often found myself investing my time into those who complained the most, caused the most problems, or performed the best. While all of these may have some sort of merit, I found what really helped me was to ask who needs to hear my voice today?
This doesn’t just apply to business, this applies to family, friends, and all the people you have influence over. It helps me to touch base with those in need, who are growing distant, or the relationship needs to be tended to. A tactical tip I would add is if anyone pops in your head just shoot them a quick text and let them know you’re thinking about them. It's a simple practice but could mean the world to someone.
What would happen if I lost this argument?
So many times we are in the middle of an intense discussion or situation and it goes from being solution minded to...I just want to win or prove my point. You have to ask yourself if it’s that big of a deal to lose.
Taking the time to slow down and ask this question and being honest about the answer, can be huge. Often the answer is…you’ll probably lose nothing. This doesn’t mean you have to act on the answer but giving your mind context to the reality of the conflict is helpful and in the end, if you choose to lose…you still win anyway because you are the one who made the decision.
Who is driving this decision that I’m making?
It is amazing how many decisions we make every day based off of what other people think. In the book, Psychology of Money, the author Morgan House asks: When you buy something, are you buying it because you want it or because you want people to see you have it? So crazy. So accurate.
The more you repeat this question to yourself as you’re making decisions, the more you will become your own person. If you’re honest with yourself, asking this question will astound you as to how often you’ll find yourself making decisions for the wrong reasons. This is an insanely healthy question to ask.
Did I do anything to grow or stretch myself today?
This question is a measuring stick for how you run your life. If you’re the same person this month as you were last month, that’s a problem. Not because you were a bad person last month, but because staying the same means the people around you are stuck with a version of you that’s stopped reaching.
Being around someone with no interest in growing is hard. It feels like they’re saying, “This is it. Take it or leave it.” That would be ok if all of us were awesomely perfect…but we are not.
The quality of your life will always mirror the quality of the questions you ask yourself. Ask small questions and you’ll get small answers. Ask brave questions and you’ll start to see what’s really possible. The goal isn’t to silence the noise in your head, it’s to guide it, to trade fear-filled questions for ones that pull you forward. Growth starts the moment you start asking better questions.
Today’s Forced Challenge: I want you to FORCE yourself to attack at least one of these challenges:
1. The Growth Audit: Write down one area of your life that hasn’t changed in a year. Ask why.
2. The Voice Check: Pay attention to the loudest voice in your head today. Is it fear, doubt, or truth?
3. The Truth Exercise: Ask yourself what you’ve been pretending not to know. Then face it head-on.
4. The Decision Driver: Before your next purchase or choice ask: “Who’s driving this decision,...me or someone else’s opinion?”
5. The Daily Stretch: End the day with one question: “Did I grow or stretch myself today?” If the answer is no, tomorrow is your shot to fix it.
These questions aren’t meant to weigh you down. They’re meant to wake you up. Growth doesn’t happen by accident and character isn’t built through comfort. The people who live with the most peace aren’t the ones with all the answers, they’re the ones who ask better questions.
Start asking yourself questions that stretch you not scare you. The kind that make you pause before you react or rethink before you repeat. The more you do, the more you’ll find your life quietly shifting toward purpose, integrity, and peace.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” – Carl Jung
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