What You Own
I sat there staring at a piece of paper, doing my best to detach the years of effort, the blood, sweat, and tears, from the decision in front of me. When you’ve invested so much of yourself into something for so long, it’s hard to let it go.
I’ve built a handful of businesses, and I was at the intersection of letting one of them go. Beyond the obvious, it triggered a pause in me that led to the question of how I truly defined success.
If you asked a hundred people what success means to them, most would center their answer around ownership. If you own material things like your house, a business, money or assets, those around you might see you as successful.
While I understand that mindset and believe there’s truth in it, I think the real definition isn’t found in what you own. It’s about what you can walk away from without fear.
Success isn’t measured by what you own. It’s measured by what doesn’t own you.
Ask yourself this question: what possessions, relationships, or endeavors have control over you?
Ask yourself, is every submission in your life a submission of choice?
Do you own a house, vehicle, or investment so taxing on your finances that it holds the reins of your emotions, stress, or sanity on a daily basis? Be honest with yourself. Very rarely will someone beyond you have the intuition or the permission to speak into your life at the level it takes to reveal this truth. It has to be you. You have to perform a self-audit to know if what you own owns you.
Are you in a relationship that doesn’t permit you the freedom to be yourself? To express your opinion, to make decisions, to be treated like an adult? This doesn’t have to be a spouse. It could be a friendship, an employer, or a business partner.
In this kind of dynamic, the measuring stick is in your hands. Every healthy relationship takes a dance, a give and a take to be successful. The danger is that most unhealthy relationships or interactions don’t happen in public. There will be no one there to tell you when things are off.
This is your responsibility. Step back and assess what you’re really part of. What happens in your own house, in your own interactions, in your own correspondence might feel normal to you, but that doesn’t mean it’s normal, or appropriate, or acceptable. You have to step out of yourself and take a look.
Do you work for a company that encroaches on or disrespects your time, constantly demanding endless hours because you’re on salary?
Do you own a company that controls every aspect of your life? Are you in pursuit of an endeavor or accomplishment that requires you to trade your principles, standards, or ethics to achieve success?
I’ve worked for companies that asked me to cross lines I refused to cross. Your ethics and morals are your own, but if they are your beliefs, you have to stand your ground when they’re breached.
What I’m working to highlight most is that you are truly in control. It’s possible you’ve given up so much of your freedom that you feel you’re no longer in control. If you quit this job, you’ll be in a financial bind. If you leave this relationship, it could cause you extreme pain or even humility. If you let go of a pursuit or sell your house, it could be embarrassing. Still, let’s circle back.
Success is about how much you own..... you. The more of you that you own, the more freedom you’ll have to walk away from anything.
This may take time to build. It might take time to get yourself in a financial position to walk away from that job. It might take time to build your self-image to feel confident enough to leave that relationship or admit you bought what you shouldn’t have and sell it to get back on top.
You have to ask yourself what your freedom is worth. You have to ask yourself what you’re worth.
When you start to realize how valuable you are, you’ll begin to realize it’s worth whatever it takes to own yourself so you can walk away from anything.
Owning yourself is a goal worth pursuing. Living in bondage is a life half-lived. To be enslaved to money, someone else, or the opinion of others is not what you were put on this earth for. You have the power to change your circumstances, but it starts with being honest with yourself about what those circumstances are.
Today’s Forced Challenge: I want you to FORCE yourself to attack at least one of these challenges:
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Audit your ownership: List everything that costs you peace. If it drains you daily, ask why you’re still holding it.
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Detach with intention: Pick one item, routine, or pursuit that’s tied to ego, not joy. Let it go for a week. See what happens.
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Redefine loyalty: Ask yourself if your loyalty to something or someone is coming from love or from fear of leaving.
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Reset your standards: Write your non-negotiables for freedom. Keep them visible until your decisions start to match them.
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Own yourself: Choose one action this week that reinforces that you are in charge of your time, energy, and direction.
Walking away is the highest form of ownership. When you own yourself, you stop clinging to things that were never meant to define you. You stop trading peace for validation. The real measure of success is how quietly you can close a door and still know who you are on the other side.
“He who conquers himself is the mightiest warrior.” — Confucius