The Things I Will Not Do
I had a friend reach out to me a while back about the dynamics of their job. They were frustrated. They felt unheard. They felt like leadership was mishandling what should have been, for my friend, a simple request. I listened because this person isn’t lazy. They aren’t entitled. They work hard, think well, and carry real discipline. On paper, they should be thriving.
As the conversation kept unfolding, I started to pay attention to the story under the story. They kept circling back to how their company wasn’t doing what they should. They kept pointing to decisions that felt unfair or inefficient. They kept returning to the idea that someone else needed to change first.
I stepped back for a moment and looked at the conversation from the outside. At first, I felt empathy. Then something else set in. A kind of heaviness mixed with clarity. I could see the box they were sitting in, and I could also see who built it.
There are moments when people unintentionally handcuff themselves with invisible rules. Quiet lines they draw in their mind. Lines that sound honorable or principled. Lines that often start as a preference, eventually turn into a boundary, and slowly harden into a limitation. I started to notice those lines in the things my friend kept saying.
They weren’t saying, “I’m above that.”
They would never say that.
They were saying it with their actions though.
It was subtle. They refused to make certain calls because they felt it wasn’t their job. They avoided certain tasks because they believed it was someone else's responsibility. They had created a list of things they “would not do”, convinced these lines were protecting their professionalism. In reality, the list was closing in around them and slowly taking away their agency.
I know how that works because I’ve lived the exact same pattern.
There was a time when my wife and I hit a rough spot, I remember meeting with my pastor, confused and frustrated, wondering why everything felt so tense. I was working all day. I was providing. I was doing what I believed my role required. At least that was the story I told myself.
My pastor helped me see how obtuse my thoughts were. I would walk through the front door at night with a quiet belief tucked inside my chest that said, “I did my part.” I never spoke those words out loud. I never consciously thought them. It was my attitude. It was the unspoken rule I lived by.
My wife carried everything else. I created a limitation without even realizing it. A self-made rule about what I would and would not do. In my mind I was upholding my role. In reality I was shrinking inside it.
That season taught me that the lines we draw in the name of protecting ourselves often end up restricting us. These self-imposed limitations steal the overflow. They siphon off our generosity. They narrow our perspective. They blind us to the people we love and the opportunities right in front of us. They stunt our growth and convince us we are stuck, when in reality we are the ones keeping ourselves there.
I’ve watched people create self limitations that hinder their growth, and they rarely realize they are the ones doing it. We are all capable of building the very walls that trap us. It shows up in relationships. It shows up in leadership. It shows up in marriage, friendship, community, and work. It is easier to spot when you are watching it happen to someone else.
Now here is the interesting part. The phrase “things I will not do” can be a very positive stance. There is a good side to it. A powerful side. When you use that phrase to create healthy boundaries it can be transformative. Healthy limits protect your peace. They anchor your integrity. They keep the wrong people from wasting your time and the wrong habits from stealing your future. They protect your heart and your energy.
So the question becomes simple.
How do you tell the difference?
How do you know when your “I will not” is helping you grow or quietly holding you back?
You start by looking at motive.
You look at what that line is actually guarding.
You ask yourself what happens if you cross it.
You examine whether it protects who you want to become or shields who you currently are.
A healthy boundary creates room for growth.
A limiting boundary closes the room around you.
A healthy boundary strengthens relationships.
A limiting boundary protects your ego.
A healthy boundary protects your values.
A limiting boundary protects your pride.
One lifts you.
The other shrinks you.
If you want a simple test, here it is.
A healthy “I will not” frees you.
An unhealthy “I will not” excuses you.
The real work happens when you are willing to be honest about which one you’re living under. It takes humility to admit that a line you drew to feel safe is now keeping you small. It takes courage to redraw it. It takes wisdom to know which lines guard your future and which lines wall it in.
Growth requires movement.
Movement requires flexibility.
Flexibility requires honesty with yourself.
Today’s Forced Challenge: I want you to FORCE yourself to attack at least one of these challenges:
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Drop the Line: Identify one self rule you created that limits your growth.
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Make the Call: Do one task this week you believed was not your job.
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Seek the Mirror: Ask someone you trust where you might be holding yourself back.
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Serve First: Do something at home you normally avoid and expect nothing in return.
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Check the Motive: Evaluate one boundary to see if it protects growth or protects pride.
There is a quiet kind of power that rises in you when you stop hiding behind self-imposed rules and start stepping into the kind of person you want to be.
A person who leads with service. A person who brings overflow. A person who grows past the boundaries that once kept them comfortable. A person who chooses alignment over ego. A person who understands that freedom is not found in avoiding hard things, but in refusing to be ruled by the lines you once drew in fear.
“You are confined only by the walls you build yourself.”
-Andrew Murphy
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