Winning The Crowd Before The Close
I was speaking at an event once when I addressed someone sitting on the front row. Through a little back-and-forth, the conversation opened up in a natural way. It started light. It started playful. At one point he mentioned he hadn’t eaten breakfast. Everyone laughed because the timing of it felt casual and almost random. Then the tone shifted when he clarified that it wasn’t a preference or a diet choice. He hadn’t eaten breakfast because he couldn’t afford it.
That moment hit me harder than I expected. I don’t consider my past to be intensely dramatic, but I’ve lived through my share of chaotic seasons. I’ve spent nights in a car. I’ve depended on the grace of friends for a couch. I’ve known what it feels like to be on the edge of everything. His honesty snapped the room into a different atmosphere. His transparency cultivated real connection. The conversation shifted from something public to something personal, and that shift changed my entire message. It changed the room.
When real connection shows up, the temperature of a space changes. It reminds you that behind every face is a story that you would never guess by looking at them. It reminds you that the crowd isn’t just a crowd. It’s individuals who carry real weight, real hope, real fear, and real struggle.
In the world today I feel like we are being pushed to aim our attention in a direction we weren’t built to stare at nonstop. We are being pulled toward the crowd. Whether you are building a business, selling a product, growing your career, or simply scrolling on your phone, the pressure is the same. You have to be seen. You have to get your name out there. You have to publish something. You have to stay visible.
It all drives our focus toward two targets that probably shouldn’t hold as much weight as we give them.
The first target is rooted in self-admiration. Look at me. Look at what I did. Like me. Follow me. Approve of me. Validate me. Every person on earth feels that pull, and there’s nothing strange about wanting to be valued. The problem is what it becomes when it gets fed too often.
When that becomes your fuel, it will eventually run you dry. That path always leads to comparison, insecurity, depression, and victimhood. It creates narcism in small doses until one day it takes over the wheel. Joy doesn’t come from attention. Joy is found in intentionally investing in others.
The second target pushes you toward the masses. The endless list of “friends” and followers. People you’ve never met, people you may never meet, and people who don’t actually know you. I’m not disregarding the power of social media. It’s a gift when used with intention. The real question is simple: are you using it, or is it using you?
Many people don’t realize how quickly the shift happens. One day you’re posting, and the next day you’re performing. One day you’re sharing something meaningful, and the next day you’re chasing validation you didn’t even know you were seeking. It sneaks up.
As you build your career, grow your influence, or try to deepen the relationships that already matter to you, it’s crucial that you don’t drift into prioritizing the image over the intimate. What I mean by that is this: there are people who are committed to you. People who have invested their time, their thoughts, and their heart into your life. People not asking for a show. People not asking for curated highlight reels. They are in the trenches with you. Yet those same people often sit across the table while you’re buried in your phone trying to impress people who may never matter in the long run.
I know you’ve heard this message before. Plenty of people have said it in different ways. The real question isn’t whether you’ve heard it. The real question is whether you’ve done anything with it. If you focus more on the image people have of you than the intimacy of the people close to you, it eventually turns into image over integrity. The moment your image becomes the main thing, your integrity becomes optional. It happens slowly and quietly. You start making choices that look good instead of choices that are good.
That dynamic flips your priorities upside down. Trying to impress the crowd over honoring the "close" will leave you in a lonely place. When it’s all said and done, the crowd doesn’t stay. The crowd is temporary. The crowd moves on the moment the spotlight shifts. The people close to you are the ones who stay when the room empties. They are the ones who show up when you aren’t impressive.They are the ones who stay when you fail, when you struggle, when you go through seasons where nothing looks polished.
Don’t chase the crowd at the expense of the close. Don’t fight to win people who don’t care while losing the people who do. Visibility can be useful, but it’s not the foundation you build on. Connection is the foundation. Integrity is the foundation. Presence is the foundation. The people at your table matter more than the people in your notifications.
When you honor that priority, you build relationships that actually last. When you choose depth over display, you end up with genuine connection and you actually feel heard and seen. When you invest in people who invest back, you find the kind of fulfillment the crowd could never offer.
Don’t try to win the crowd over winning the close. The crowd will clap for you today and forget you tomorrow. The close will walk with you through every season. Choose wisely where you place your attention.
Today’s Forced Challenge: I want you to FORCE yourself to attack at least one of these challenges:
1. Put the Phone Down: One full meal with zero screen time so someone gets your full presence.
2. Honor the Investor: Call one person who has poured into you and thank them directly.
3. Spot the Performance: Identify one area where you’re performing for the crowd instead of connecting with the close.
4. Private Over Public: Replace one public post with a meaningful private message to someone who actually matters.
5. Check the Motive: Before posting anything, ask yourself if it is value driven or validation driven.
There is not a person in the world that doesn't want your attention. The question is, who deserves it? Invest in the close. It doesn't hurt to let the crowd know you're here. Just prioritize those who truly prioritize you.
“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.”
— Simone Weil
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