Compared to Who?
How well do you do with other people's success? Does it make you uncomfortable? Happy? Frustrated? I think any and all emotions to someone else's success is justifiable pending on where you're coming from.
I'd like to tell you I'm the guy who gets super excited when other people win, but I'm not. It's something I'm working on for sure. In fact, for me it has become a measuring stick for the strength of my friendship with that person. If I'm genuinely excited for that person then it's often because we are close and I care about them a lot.
I'm not sure if this is a healthy measuring stick but it's my current reality. I want to be the person that is excited for all people's success all the time so I've been proactively asking myself why I'm not. The reason is two fold.
1. My mind operates in a zero sum game. As if them winning somehow means, I'm losing. Obviously this is not accurate.
If you find yourself sharing this same sentiment it's a healthy practice to back out and become objective about the situation. Choosing to reframe how you look at it can be very helpful. My suggestion is to look at their success as a prophecy for your own. If anything, they are paving the way for you and helping you see the path as to how you can get there as well.
To take it a step further, push yourself out of that negative mindset by intentionally engaging with the person you’re feeling envious of. Ask them advice on how they accomplished what they did. Taking the stance of a student triggers humility and a growth mindset of you can be there too, versus a fixed mindset thinking their success is your demise.
2. I really am just jealous/envious of their situation. I think at a quick glance we all consider jealousy or envy to be a bad thing, but I recently discovered it's not even about the person in question.
In Mel Robbins' book The Let Them Theory she explains "Jealousy isn't about them, it's a signal that you've seen someone do something you want to do, but haven’t yet. It’s not a judgment, it’s a reminder: you can do it too." Recognizing jealousy is just your own mind being frustrated with yourself for not doing what it knew it needed to in the first place is a very liberating feeling.
You maybe thinking.... Really? Yes! It means you now have the control to do something about it. You went from playing jealous victim to a person with a vision and a goal! Crazy how quick your mind can totally change your reality isn't it??
Here are a few key ideas which have helped me work through these feelings:
Nothing is ever as good, or bad, as it looks. Often we look at everyone else's situation through rose-colored lenses. It's important to remember you only know what they are telling you or what you're seeing on the Gram...
I have coached people who tell me their world is falling apart the night before I see them post how amazing things are going with pictures to prove it! It's so important to remember to remind yourself that you don't know the whole story.
In turn we take our own situations and paint them as if they are Shakespearean tragedies, when really we just need a snack and a nap. Whether you truly are going through some serious life stuff or you're just feeling behind, it's imperative to focus on what we discussed in a previous MTB newsletter which is the power of gratitude. Focusing on what you do have versus what you don't have can make all the difference.
Another helpful mindset is recognizing life moves in seasons. You won’t always be on cloud nine, and that’s okay. The phrase “This too shall pass” has always helped keep me grounded. Life is a roller coaster, and honestly, I prefer it that way. The sweet moments wouldn’t be nearly as meaningful without a little salt.
At the end of the day, our reactions to other people’s success say more about our inner world than theirs. And that’s not something to shame, it’s something to explore. The goal isn’t to become someone who never feels envy or insecurity, but to become someone who knows how to respond to it with curiosity instead of comparison. Every uncomfortable feeling is just information. And when we listen closely, we realize it’s pointing us back to what we truly want. So the next time someone else wins, instead of shrinking, lean in. Celebrate them, learn from them, and remember: their success doesn't take anything from you, it just proves what's possible.
Today's Forced Challenge: I want you to FORCE yourself to attack at least one of these challenges
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Celebrate Daily Challenge: For 7 days, intentionally celebrate another person’s win each day, big or small. Tell them you're proud of or excited for them...and MEAN IT.
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Ask, Don’t Scroll Challenge: See someone doing something amazing? Instead of just consuming it, DM or message them and ask: “Hey, I really admire what you did. I’m trying to grow in that area would you mind sharing how you got started?” This flips comparison into connection and helps you develop a growth mindset.
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Gratitude Flip: Each time you feel behind, pause and write down 3 specific things you're grateful for about where you are right now.
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Role Reversal Challenge: Think of a time you had a win or got recognition. Then ask yourself: How would I want others to respond to me? Am I offering others the same grace and support I’d hope for?
Life is too short to live in a cage of comparison, jealousy, or envy. You have a beautiful future ahead of you, let's focus on that!
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” — Theodore Roosevelt