Who Are You? | More Than Before

Who Are You?

Whenever I'm out and about I do my best to be conversational. It pushes me beyond my daily comforts and keeps me sharp. Plus... going through life just doing things is pretty boring. I find the more conversations you start the more flavor life brings.

Often we meet people with a lot of success and or joy and wonder "Why cant that be me?" We see their wins from the outside and assume they have something we don’t. A key component to that being a possibility is exposure.

If you don't open up to people on the regular, have conversations, expand your reach...you limit your exposure to awesome relationships and probable opportunities. You limit your chances of being in the right place at the right time. Most breakthroughs are not planned. They are stumbled into through relationships.

That aside, I bring this up because when I start these conversations it often leads to someone asking me what I do and as of recent my answer has become a bit of a monologue. I have a lot of open doors in my life, a lot of things I'm working on (including myself) and I have a hard time conveying what that all looks like.

On the outside we all tend to define ourselves by what we do as an occupation, a title, or what fills the majority of our schedule. What if that was taken away? What if one day you could no longer do the thing that you've built your identity around?

Then what?

In what, would your identity find it's description? Identity is so much more.

Identity is something like this…My wife Ali is unlike anyone I have ever met. She possesses an internal burning desire to make sure she provides for anyone and everyone around her and it's almost always at her own expense. She never lets go. Of anything. Of her love for you, her hope for her future, or everything we have ever owned for that matter. She would walk through fire for her children, myself, or a stranger. She wants for nothing, but wants to give you everything.

She has huge dreams but humble desires. She has my heart, and yours if you meet her. She always wants to do the right thing even if it’s at a cost to her…. I could go on.

This is a sliver of her identity. It has nothing to do with skillsets, hobbies, or occupation. It’s her values, morales, and the spirit that lives inside her that leave a finger print impressed upon everything she does. It shows up in how she treats people. In how she handles pressure. In how she loves when it is inconvenient. That is what stays when everything else is stripped away.

Who are you?

If someone took away what you invest the majority of your day doing. Your career, a sport, hobby, or even being a parent. When that cannot define you, what does?

We've misplaced the definition of identity and filled it with what we feel makes us who we are, but a job, a title, or a roll does not define you. It maybe a part of who you are but it is paramount that it is more. Don’t let it be just one thing. One setback should not erase you. One season should not define you forever. One role should not carry the full weight of who you are.

This isn't about doing more. It's about knowing who you are. There is something about knowing. Have you ever noticed when you're anticipating news and it is delayed, you get to the point where you don't even care if it's good news or bad... you just want to know?

Knowing yields confidence. Imagine driving down a foggy road, when you don't know what is coming... you slow down, you lose confidence. You hesitate. You grip the wheel tighter. When the road is wide open and you can see for miles (that there are no cops) you go faster.

Knowing who you are allows you to grow. It allows you to become a stronger version of yourself. Most people never slow down long enough to answer that question honestly. They stay busy. They stay distracted. They keep stacking responsibilities and commitments so they never have to sit alone with themselves long enough to ask who they really are underneath all of it.

If I am tired, I must be important.
If I am overwhelmed, I must be valuable.
If I am needed, I must matter.

Yet none of those things are the same as identity.

They are indicators of activity, not character.

Identity is revealed in quiet moments. In private decisions. In how you respond when no one is keeping score. In how you treat people who cannot give you anything back. In how you handle disappointment. In how you speak when you are frustrated. In how you love when it is inconvenient.

They show whether your foundation is solid or borrowed.

A strong identity creates alignment. Your decisions make sense. Your boundaries hold. Your priorities stay clear. You do not have to reinvent yourself in every room. You do not have to perform for approval. You do not have to shrink or exaggerate to fit.

You just are.

And that is rare.

Most people are constantly adjusting who they are depending on who they are around. Different voice. Different values. Different posture. Different priorities. It is exhausting. It is unstable. It's unsustainable.

Knowing.. removes that friction.

When you know who you are, “no” gets easier.
When you know who you are, comparison loses power.
When you know who you are, criticism hurts less.
When you know who you are, success does not inflate you and failure does not crush you.

This does not happen overnight. It is built. Layer by layer. Season by season. Through mistakes. Through reflection. Through uncomfortable honesty. Through choosing growth over comfort again and again.

It is shaped by what you tolerate. By what you pursue. By what you refuse to compromise. By what you are willing to sacrifice. By what you protect. Every decision casts a vote. Over time, those votes become a person.

So maybe the work is not chasing the next title, the next goal, the next milestone.

Today’s Forced Challenge: I want you to FORCE yourself to attack at least one of these challenges:

1. The Identity Test: Write down your answer to “Who am I without my job?” Be honest. Do not edit for image.

2. The Attachment Audit: Identify one role, title, or responsibility you are over-attached to. Ask yourself why you need it to feel valuable.

3. The Silence Drill: Spend 30 minutes this week in silence. No phone. No music. No input. Pay attention to what thoughts surface.

4. The Mirror Check: Ask three people you trust how they would describe your character. Do not defend yourself. Just receive it.

5. The Ego Cut: Remove one commitment that exists only to protect your ego or image. Replace it with something that builds your character.

Maybe the work we're so proud of needs to shift. Maybe the work is becoming someone you respect.

Someone your kids can trust.
Someone your spouse can lean on.
Someone your friends can count on.
Someone who does the right thing even when it costs something.