The longer you wait, 

the harder it gets.

​

What conversation makes your stomach turn when you think about having it?

​

What is life, if not a series of relationships..and what are relationships, if not a series of conversations? At its core, the ability to navigate tough conversations could be the most important tool for enriching your life.

​

Yet, how many of us avoid these difficult talks? We sidestep them, thinking we’re protecting ourselves, or worse, the relationship. In reality, we’re only staving off discomfort for a moment.

How often do you find yourself dodging hard conversations? I understand, it’s tempting to think that if we don’t address them, they won’t matter. The immediate relief of silence feels good, and the consequences are not necessarily knocking on your door. 

​

The truth is, the pain we avoid today doesn’t go away. It lingers, like a bruise you forget about until you accidentally bump into it. Unlike a bruise, though, this pain won’t heal on its own.

​

Think about the last time you avoided a hard conversation. Maybe it was with a friend who hurt you, a boss who overlooked your effort, or a family member whose words cut deeper than they realize.

​

At first, silence felt like safety. Yet as the days passed, you carried the weight of that unsaid thing like a stone in your pocket. It didn’t vanish. It followed you. That’s the sneaky cost of avoidance...it feels free at first, but it charges interest with every passing day.

​

Like most bad habits, it’s the trade-off of temporary comfort for long-term pain. And over time, that pain compounds. The longer you wait, the harder it gets to have the conversation and the deeper the issue grows. Assuming that everything will be ok is the default. Assumptions are evidence of fear, as it's easier to assume than to engage.

​

Every difficult conversation equals pain in some way, shape, or form, but you have to ask yourself, is that wound fatal? It's not. It hurts, but in comparison to the opposing path, if the conversation is not pursued, the relationship will bleed out yielding a slow painful death.

​

Every relationship you have in life is a living breathing thing and living things die when they are not given attention.

​

Think about plants. You can neglect watering them for a while and they’ll survive. But let it go too long and the leaves droop, the color fades, and eventually the life is gone. You can’t bring it back just by pouring a gallon of water in at once.

​

Relationships work the same way. Attention is required. Conversation is water. Without it, they dry up, even if both people silently wish they could thrive.

​

Having hard conversations is a healthy practice just like any other discipline. Proactively building a habit of pursuing these conversations will yield a healthier life and a much stronger version of you.

So what stops us from these conversations? The fear of the unknown. The thoughts of... What happens if the conversation goes south? What happens if it makes things worse? I've seen people experience more anxiety over a conversation than they would over skydiving! 

​

We can really build these things up in your mind. Let me tell you something, your survival rate in difficult conversations is 100%. You've survived every time! This doesn't mean it didn't hurt, it doesn't mean it wasn't hard, it just means you had the courage to pursue peace.

​

It’s fascinating how fear magnifies the shadows. You can lie awake at night scripting the worst outcomes in your head, imagining an explosion, rejection, or the end of a relationship...when in reality, the conversation might turn into the very thing that saves it. Fear convinces you that pain is inevitable, when clarity might be the actual outcome waiting on the other side.

​

The success of any difficult conversation hinges on your objective. If you enter the conversation aiming to win, prove a point, or be right, you’ll likely leave feeling worse than when you started. If your goal is a productive and healthy outcome, the first step is to listen and understand before you seek to be understood. 

​

Everyone has a reason for the way they see things. The more you understand their perspective, the easier it will be to find common ground. From there, empathy will naturally follow.

​

Before you even begin, you need to be clear on what you want the conversation to achieve. In tough conversations, emotions can run high and often cloud the real objective. When emotions are high, love is what can ground the exchange. You have to care enough about the person you’re speaking with, or the person you're advocating for, to push past the fear of having the conversation. As they say, perfect love casts out fear.

​

Love is the anchor when words start drifting. When your voice shakes or your chest tightens, love reminds you why you showed up in the first place. It tells the other person, “I care enough about this relationship to step into discomfort.” That alone can change the entire tone of the conversation.

​

Fear of these conversations rears its head when you feel you have the innate ability to predict the responses of others. Regardless of your previous encounters, you actually have no clue how they will respond and even more so, the person you are talking to’s response is their responsibility not yours. You have to trust other people's ability to manage their thoughts and emotions. It’s not your job.

​

This might be the most freeing truth of all: you’re only responsible for your side. Your honesty, your delivery, your posture. You’re not responsible for how they feel, process, or react. Trying to control both sides will only keep you from stepping into the moment at all. Release control of their response and suddenly the weight becomes lighter.

​

Know that there is a life of peace, a life of clarity, and a life of confidence knowing where you stand with everyone in your life. The accountable, resilient, and authentic version of you is the result of building this habit. Ask yourself...

​

What's the first conversation that pops in your mind? What is that relationship that is on hiatus? What is the situation that needs resolution? You have the power to cultivate change and it's on the other side of a little thing called fear., 

​

Today’s Forced Challenge: I want you to FORCE yourself to attack at least one of these challenges:

1. Identify the Conversation: Write down the one conversation you’ve been avoiding. Be honest with yourself, naming it out loud is the first step toward courage.

2. Clarify Your Goal: Decide what you want the outcome to be. Reconciliation? Boundaries? Simply being heard? Clarity will guide your words.

3. Anchor in Love: Before you speak, remind yourself why this person matters to you. Enter with care, not combat.

4. Release Control: Accept that their response is not yours to manage. Free yourself from carrying what was never your weight.

5. Take Action: This week, reach out. Don’t wait for the “perfect time.” Choose courage over silence.

​

 

Just have the conversation. It'll be worth it.

​

 

"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." 

— George Bernard Shaw